半夜随手寫

與人相處時刻都好像一道難題。 可能一年中有幾天我會感到亳無困難，跟大部分人一樣，甚至不覺得這是一個問題。但剩下的三百多天，我都一直處於“時刻警戒狀態”，一直思索互動的過程及結果，及別人的想法，別人的態度。 很多時候，我覺得我在乎我用力，預望的不能達到：當然，我出力不對，或是很出力的去出力但力根本沒有出。或很出力的去想自己的問題，卻沒有勇氣去一步一步作出努力，來改變。

為甚麼小時候從沒想過這個問題，卻很輕鬆自然，但長大了，卻變成一種負擔？

想吧，大概升初中時便開始有這種意識。 生怕認識不到朋友，跟媽媽略略提過一次，沒有故意講得太多。剛入學第一天坐著禮堂，我便自己坐到最後排。自己坐在一角看著別人都熟的感覺可怕得我不敢多想。我現在這一刻很努力的試著回憶當時的確切感受，似乎有某股阻力，阻止我去重溫那感受。一定是潛意識先生，把我不願回憶，不願面對的東西，統統給藏起來，生怕我受到傷害。有那麼一刻，我上身了，仿佛回到那禮堂，感覺到了，身體僵了，我那時候的我，便好像現在的我，遇到了這種情況，面容憔悴，嘴扁著，嘴角向下，整個身體向下沉，不願動彈。侷促不安，外在世界和我分隔開來，我的視角就只在那一群熱鬧的人的範圍內，他們熱鬧，但又顯得低沉，環境變得昏暗，好像我隔在一層膜內，坐在射燈底下，被迫着竊看外面的世界，我被射燈射得睜不大眼睛來。

Free writing 5---WiFi set-up, time saving tips

Network provider---who bans
students
from using WiFi

Sept.2 was the start of my school. There are quite a few changes. The most disturbing thing is new students moving into my dorm which will break the peace we now are having. On the other hand, the most annoying thing, that I have been busy with, is the WiFi and the campus network of ChinaNet. Ever since it’s changed to the form of webpage login and the “automatically obtain an IP address” in the IPV4 setting the WiFi router doesn't work as it did. The only way I could do with it is setting up in my laptop a hot spot that shares my internet connection with other devices. It’s doable, but not really convenient for me every time turning on the laptop for WiFi access. Furthermore, I am always worried about the new students messing with the WiFi router. So I’m really trying hard, looking information up online. I tried every possible suggestion online, but due to my lack of knowledge of computer, I'm not getting anywhere so far. It’s extra difficult for me to get at the internet things. At least now I know a bit about where to set up DHCP, getting the ipconfig/all command; gateway, subnet mask...(still have no idea what they are) (somebody help!)

It was a break between classes when I grabbed my deskmate's book written by Mary Kay---she works in Mary Kay, learns from Mary Kay, uses the products of Mary Kay---something called “how to become a successful woman”. I found something that’s practically useful, and I think I’ll try to put it into practice.

Write down six important things that you have to do today. Tick out one when you finish it. Do the most difficult work, in a successive order. This will make you work faster.

The other thing I read on the book is do two things at a time. Like reading while waiting, replying emails on the bus home, making appointment or answering phone calls while driving. That’s how effective people use their time.

The last thing I read about---also what I've known about---is getting someone to do something for you. Before I know this I've always thought about this: why you should get someone to do small easy things for you while you can just do it your own? That’s simply because I never deem my time valuable. It's because I have too much time, or I have much free time, or I’m not trying to do anything that is worth the time. Well, you never see a CEO in a big company makes every appointment themselves. They have a secretary to do it for him. They could use their time for something that’s worth more. Someone has always told me that something that takes too much time isn't worth his time; he could just do it in a simpler way or pay someone a bit to do it. 

自由寫作1

Free writing不應單單局限於寫英文，我的中文寫作亦有待改善。

非要我用中文寫一篇文章的話，我絶對沒法像大部分的內招同學寫出一篇行文流暢，用辭優美的文章，但是我相信更多的寫作訓練可以自少讓我的作文進步一點。那怕只有一點也好。

我很明白單單寫文章並不能使我的寫作變好，而是要閱讀大量文章，從中記着別人的行文用語，不斷模仿學習，把所有的閱讀、寫作方式、用詞等，結合起來並轉化為自己的風格。

我發現自己的寫作結構，邏輯還是比較糟糕的，因此我以"自由寫作"為基礎，展開我的寫作之旅，希望能一步步改變過來。

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今天早上比較早起，不想懶床，只希望可以在吃完美味的腸粉早餐後不至於趕頭趕尾，提心吊膽生怕遲了進入老趙的課室。

課堂第二節看了一齣 "狂熊之災" 的美劇，故名思義，憤怒的"小"熊引起的一次災禍。還是那一套老掉牙的戲路，其中一個主角為了走捷徑而走了一條偏僻路，因為一些小意外車走不動。其中一個人魯莽衝動行事，導致了一場大災難的開始。一節課看了大概一半左右。個人認為這片很一般。

宿舍的菜只剩下一餐的份量，我還有電郵要發，所以便脆脆在飯堂解決。飯堂一樓質量越見下降，很多菜要不是不合胃口，就是難登胃腸之堂，比起以往，選擇少很多。很快吃完便上宿舍。

康要我跟船運談判降低離譜的運費，令我感到緊張不安。我生怕自己語言笨拙，生怕自己不懂說話，生怕事情不能成功，覺得整件事都是自己問題，連累帶給別人麻煩。那一刻我只知道自己要克服問題，不能只知害怕，人的弱點無非就是過不了自己那一關，怕甚麼便做甚麼，既然逃避不能解決，便去面對，這也是唯一的辦法。我又想，我只要做好本分，就算不成功，也不應只怪責自己。

好了，寫電郵糾纏了一段時間後，該是睡午覺時間，但我覺得精神，便不浪費時間，做做別的東西。

下午上堂回來，室友煮飯，這次我讓她全煮，因為我覺得自己最近手風不好，煮甚麼甚麼難食。果然，每道菜都很味美，我的室友根本就是一個厨神，一個有創新精神，會就地取材的厨神。三餸一湯，糙米黑米飯限量裝！

厲害的LEO弄的東西就是有料到，salute!

要呈交上的翻譯實踐現在有四項了。

free writing 4--certification, cicada

Early as usual as in the 8am class day I was up for the nihongo class. Hungry as always as I am in the 8am class. kyouza is a must and only choice for breakfast. During nihongo class we got a message. There came a bad news: we need to hand in 3 certification to prove we have done translation work. "Translation every month" counts. However, we were told we didn't have to do it, so the whole class didn't do it, so that makes zero certification. Suddenly I was reminded doing translation of the guide "dealing with police in the US" sometime before and I guess it could be taken into account. Everybody was thinking where to get a stamp from a company, as it says we only need a certification and a stamp on it. I'm like, what the hell, a certification is not going to prove anything, anyone can forge one. Of course it's a big crime, but I dare the school would check it. But how are we supposed to get 3 certifications out there in less than 4 days? And I would even guess the school would tell me my translation of the guide does not give any proof unless they write you a certification.

For lunch I cooked cucumber and bitter gourd. My way of getting the bitter away is to put sugar in it. I use this method everytime I cook it, and it failed everytime. The sweet taste is only on the surface, and it didn't at all penetrate into the gourd. I think to myself: why I don't check online first? Some TV while eating is always followed by a sleepyhead. How hard I tried not to go to nap, but under the force of Mr. Chau and my limpness, I went.

5PM again! It always takes 2 or 3 hours my precious time from me and only in return gives me an exhausted head from all the dreaming. I remembered it was a bad dream, in fact a few bad dreams, in which I was blamed to make a decision. I don't even want to recall it.

This time my roommate made a new dish of chinese cabbage(or celery cabbage or baby cabbage)soup with dried shrimp, tasty! There's a sweetness coming from the cabbage combined with the taste of the dried shrimp. I dried up the bowl of dish, again, tasty! The fried white cabbage is again too salty, as a result of putting too much salt. I always worry it's not salty enough, then it always turns out to be too much salt.

Rainfall long after the heat going on cools everything down. We opened door and window, let some cool air in from the nature instead of air condition. Insects love mild temperature and rain. When it's the right time they come all out. The popular insect of the season goes to cicada. A cicada striked the room, dashed against everything as if it is blind, and finally collided with the fan blades running and hit the table and lied dying. We were so scared to even just watch the whole show, I didn't want to touch it until I made sure it's dead. Soon it dropped on the floor and I swept it out of the room when it still struggled and chirped. The high pitched sound it made scared the shit out of me, I just wanted to get it out of my room.

Made soymilk with soybean, azuki, red bean and sesame. We drank it all, not to leave for tomorrow's breakfast, as I want to eat the steamed rice rolls.

2010-6-5

Free wriitng 3---time with parents, CSI, research for trip

It is Monday night, I finished all the work and now can lay back and relax and have time to do the free writing now. I missed the free writing last night, as I have a lot of researching on hotels to do for my trip to shantou and xiamen.

Let me take a bit review of what I have done this weekend. On friday of the 7pm class I skipped the second lecture so could lead back an hour ahead. Back to Macau we looked around at Espirit outlet and found a few pieces of clothes I liked. It was on sale, 40% off for 4 pieces, and 60% for 6. I couldn't make up to 4 myself, so I gave up on it. But I did buy a dress which size is 40 costs 69! 69 on a shorts earlier, and this time on a black short skirt. I would never imagine myself wearing short skirt but no that I wear shorts I could wear that kind of short skirt. It came out pretty nice on me with a grey vest which is 249 without any discount.

Back home I found my mom lying on the sofa alone watching tv while half sleeping. She told me to drink the soup. I showered and came out seeing my exhausted mom I felt like I should help her massage to make her feel good. I taught her to sit straight, to stretch her back, and helped stretch her back while talking her the benefit of stretching especially in her age. She joyfully accepted, more of the massage. Chat with my mom at that moment is very pleasant. I like that with my parents when they don't have to work and hurry for something or busy or worry. I think in most situation a person in a very relaxing situation takes in advise more happily and easily. But of course my mom would never remember or bother to do this. Anyway, I'm glad I can help out. And I hope I can always help my parents a bit on their health. Even just a bit.

The next day on saturday I went out with Kammy. I went to the post office to pick up a book sent by kas named when the mountain sees the moon. I haven't had time to read it yet. And then we ate curry coconut chicken noodles in the thai cuisine place. Aroy mat ka after a long time! After the noodles we went to Gongbei, started a bank account, checked fare price to shantou. Right after that we hurried to CSI. Totally disappointed by the experience we had there, we still managed to finsih the three cases. It's just all about checking a crime scene, looking up all the answers on different computers. Well, I think I learned something about how the investigators look for clues and get crime solved. We spent a good 2 hours in there. When the staff there asked us for the fares to get the souvenirs, I just said: "No, we don't have, ok, we don't need the souvenirs!" Despite the experience, we still saved 288MOP and as well wasted 2 hours.

At night my brother suggested hot and sour noodles for dinner, I didn't try the restaurant he went to, but the taste is not as bad as the one Karen adviced. But again very salty and full of msg(monosodium glutamate). Thank you brother for the meal anyway. Rode to the building where now my mom is watching and next to which became my father's working place at night. My mom cooked the soup, I drank and brought some home. Again I'm in the paradise of chatting with my parents. They were happy and I was happy. I accompanied my dad to inpect the floors, down we came and made fun of the uniform my dad's wearing. Silly looking to my dad but nice looking to me! Mom was chatting with her friend aunt Meiying.

mom's friend in the clinic

At night bitch reminded me. I had a good time chatting, singing with her. But the next morning is painful, as I had to wake up early. In my company I went to Zhongshan with my parents and her friend to see a doctor who is fixing my dad's problem. We went nearby the market to eat in a restaurant where my throat was stuck by a fish bone that is still a pain in my throat. They rush everything, eating included. That made my eating faster. They went right away to the hair salon, there I saw the chinese doctor who once diagnosed my neck problem. I took many pictures of my parents sitting next to each other while having their haircut.  A beautiful couple were here! Then I got the meatballs to "bring" back. My dad got a working 25 yuan working shoes with discount due to the flood on products. Hot as it is, I still enjoyed my time with my parents. Home we arrived, I sat back on the sofa, drank tea and spent time with my dad. Nothing is bothering us, idle we could be. Time for my dad to leave, and I finished reading on my laptop, went.

At night we kept searching, and I was tired. The next morning(today) we didn't make it to LaoZhao's class, as usual.

2013-6-3

Freeing writing 2---passport, walk in heat

I didn't go to class this morning. Kammy is applying for a passport. In fear of no more chance of applying, today we got up early and finally made the reservation. There's an online reservation for this but all are full until July. We can't wait until July, we can't wait that long. We want to make our trip in the reviewing weeks---that's between June and July. Kammy's photo for the passport might not be right for her eyebrow was covered by the bang. Maybe they could fix it.

Before that, we went to Mcdonald's for breakfast, I had chicken stick macaroni with pork bone soup, chicken soup run out. Soymilk tasted like mine, smoother. Unsatisfied, a thought of Hainan chicken rice(Kao mam gai or com ga hainan) flashed through my mind after Kammy suggested.

pillow and blanket dress in new yaohan
--changed every period

After the passport thing we walked a little bit in New Yaohan, where we could be cooled off with its air condition. Hearing the music on the background and reminding by Kammy the song I felt like going to karaoke. Yet the sun beated me and destroyed all my desire to do anything but walk home and cool down.

Bought everything for the rest of two days, more beans for our healthy breakfast and snack, we continued to walk in the heat. Today is outrageously hot, and I'm always listless before the sun and heat. No.35 was getting closer we ran all the way to the bus stop with bags of foods and a backpack on my back. Getting on the bus and feeling the cool air made me relieved.

The new dish today(not quite new, but will cook with the clay pot like in a restaurant) is enoki mushroom beef roll with tofu. Yummy though too much fat. Fried cucmber with garlic, fried white cabbage as well.

Tired and sleepy as always, napped and woke up it's been 3 hours away. Left with the undigested food in my stomach I was cooking another meal. Stuffed. Time for AV class. Not the AV from Japan! Audio Video class. It was all the british accent that's so difficult to understand I can hardly heard anything without subtitles.

Back home I made soymilk again. Red beans soybeans, walnut...

2013-5-30

Start of free writing---soymilk machine, cooking

Soymilk with dregs that can be cooked

Today is Wednesday. I don't have to get up for 8am class so I could sleep more and make myself soymilk and did some stuff without hurry. My soymilk included soybean, black seasem, peanuts, rice. It's made up of a lot of nutrious things. I make the best use of the soymilk machine, I want to do it when I can only do it at school. When I am back home or wherever else I can't do this. It took about 30 minutes to make the multi-soymilk, as soon as it finishes, I have to pour it out into a glass and wash it right away. Everytime it's washed by me because my friend cannot, or it's just I am not confident to let her do it. This machine has to be handled carefully. After drinking a bit of it it's time for me to go to school. I still feel tired after all the sleeping, though it's always dreaming while sleeping. Since my travel to Saigon, and the lack of sleep the last day I was there, I have not had enough energy.

I have eaten all these foods and drank all these drinks now it's time for me to get back to my vegetarin life-style. In Saigon the amount of vegetable I ate was next to zero. The iced drinks I had were soon followed by a liquid of shit.(God, this is disgusting!) And I didn't feel healthy. So it's good for me to get back to my usual life style.

I like cooking food. I like the food I cook. Or more precisely, I like the food my friend and I cook. It's a bit hassle to wash and clean after cooking, but I still like it. It saves me a lot, a big money I have saved since I started cooking. And I'm always well fed by the food. The many different dishes made from a limited kinds of vegetables are created mostly by my friend. She's a good cook, and I'm not bad. I enjoy her cooking skills, and she enjoys the new flavor brought by my gradually matured skill. It's good we both are a cook, not just someone who sits and waits.

This afternoon while my friend was sleeping I had more time to focus on reading alone. I do feel like reading and writing more to practice. I need improvement. Especially I think christin's blog's writing is so great after reading it and the comments. I want my writing like this. I think a writing starts from "copying", here copy I mean writing the sentence I don't know, the phrases I don't use, the style I don't write. Learning is from copying from a thousand people and you combine it so well that it becomes your own thing.

I'm writing this because I went look for what I could do to learn writing, and again Free Writing is the suggestion again.(Previous suggestion of the same is from the Writers INC writing book duck gave me. So I really want to do it in the hope of improving my writing and clearing the blocks in my thinking.

2013-5-29